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My Biggest Fear

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During a recent writing exercise for a performance project in which I was involved, each of us was asked to write about our biggest fear. Not much, does scare me as I’ve learned to be strong, but sometimes that little bug can get under your skin and stay there forever. Like everyone else on the planet, I’m a person to, with emotions and feelings and my steely cold reserve is just my defence mechanism of a, believe it or not, painfully shy person.

This is mine, this is what I wrote.

“Who’s truly in the audience? Will I be liked, loved? Will I be hated, and endure some form of backlash? Who has the answers?

How will I look? Not just to the audience, but to myself and my colleagues. I know this sounds esoteric, vain, possibly selfish, but a good portion of my life has been about looking good and avoiding the negative from onlookers, strangers, even friends and family. A daily occurrence that happens every second, minute, and hour, 24/7.

I know there is much more to life than to worry over such matters, but they matter to me. Fitting in to my degree of standards, being able to carry on in my life as a happy individual, an individual that I know is on the fringes of a lot of main stream society.

Whatever mainstream is!

Maybe I am creating my own “mainstream society”? I’ve always had to fend for myself, take care of me, and when needed push aside the care of myself to tend to the needs of others.

Why? I don’t know, to that I haven’t got the answers. Maybe it has something to do with my nurturing side, my love of people, my love………… period.

I remind you, that it’s so much harder to love than it is to hate, and this world is full of people finding the easy way out and hating, hating, hating. Never finding the time, or putting in the effort to truly love and be loved. I know, because I am reminded daily of the anger people have. For me, all I have to do is glance at one of the many scars that dot the landscape of my body, the results of strangers, scars I decorate, or conceal to change and make them pretty, beautiful, and loved reminders.

I do believe in forgiveness, but I never forget, I never forget the fright, the anger the terror the HATE. And that doesn’t mean that to forgive means to forget and suddenly like that person or persons.

Getting up in front of large audiences or groups always reminds me of that possibility that somewhere out there, in the dark room, there may be a person who doesn’t share love, care, or want to hear my story, but find the easy way out, and hate.

However, getting up in front of those audiences is a chance I am willing to take

I validate you, why not validate me!

I am human

I am me

and I love you!

 

Gus Modeste for the Wild and Wondrous Side of Wacky Wednesday

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Gus Modeste for the Wild and Wondrous Side of Wacky Wednesday is certainly an artist to behold.

I meet a lot of people in life and travels, some that are quite clearly characters in their own right, some full of hot air with egos just as full, and some, just super modest. Gus Modeste is just such a person and I’m not sure if his last name is a play on words, but I’m willing to run with it. We met on Instagram and I’ve been intrigued ever since.

I didn’t now this, but after a little homework I learned that he is a very well known artist, not only for his detailed carving, but equally so in his talent and lust for painting. Gus-Modeste-3 His work is easily recognizable with his attention to every little detail, clean lines and ever stunning expressions in all of his carvings. Gus-Modeste-1 Whether traditional or contemporary, he is just as professional and passionate  as a First Nations Master artist

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The Pretty Little Leaf

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The Pretty little leaf is what’s sexy this week!

There I was, shit, showered and shaved, dressed and ready for the day, over my morning anxiety with my “kick ass” attitude dialed in at a level ten as I went out the door to face the day. My clothes perfectly coordinated of complimentary colours, matching jewelry, makeup applied with the precision of surgeon, and my hair all neatly hot-rollered and set. I was ready! With chin held high, shoulders back, tits out, and stomach in, I walked to the bus stop to patiently wait with all the other morning riders.

On the bus, I made myself comfortable for the 15 minute ride to the skytrain reading the morning paper as we rode over the bumps and potholes that dotted the downtown streets of beautiful Vancouver; the city I call home. The bus’s arrival at the skytrain always greats me with a certain amount of irony, its the skytrain, but at this juncture it runs underground. It always gives me a brief moment of contemplation as I descend to the train’s platform quietly crop dusting as I make my way deeper into the ground.

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The Male Chest in a Fitted Dress Shirt, That’s Whats Sexy This Week!

I’m not one to shy away from shameless exploitation of the sexes, especially if it’s all in good fun. As we slowly ebb into fall, all those beach bodies on glorious flagrant display are opting to modestly disappear behind the opaque barriers of fabric. With the fall, comes the addition of clothes for the creatures of the beach, setting the stage for a new form of ogling to take place.

The male chest in a well fitted dress shirt, that’s what sexy this week.

I love the cut of a well tailored dress shirt and the way it fits the body. The buttons, the cuffs and collar, yoke, colours and patterns, sewn together to form the garment worn for business, casual, or a hot night out. Well pressed and starched to lay smooth across a well defined chest and dutifully conceal the results of long hours at the gym.

 

 

 

 

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PODCAST with Mark Hughes on Pulling the Trigger

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Hear me talk the TRUTH about life, love, happiness and how I got here. I talk of sex work, gender, employment, and my life as an activist as one of Vancouver’s fave transsexuals. I had the extreme pleasure to speak with Mark Hughes of Pulling the Trigger in the lead up to PRIDE. What a pleasure to actually express my opinion, something that has gotten me into some trouble, but I don’t truly care. To be a woman with all the right parts for me. It needs to be said. Some of you may like what I have to say, and some won’t……

 

 

Penis bleaching…..

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Penis bleaching….. Well here you have it folks the latest out of Thailand. Something else I came across in my travels through internet space I thought worth sharing.

Yes for quite some time anal bleaching has been favoured by many thinking that their lovable and or loved “bullet wound” is just not the right shade and have resorted to the use of lasers,  creams, lotions and potions to get that desired shade.

Vanity has taken many forms, and people go to great “lengths” to obtain that ideal, and I’m no stranger to going under the knife or laser. As a person who has experienced a great many treatments, I have to say there are some that are flat out snake oil concoctions and procedures that I reserve my right to have those opinions. Just ask me, I‘ll tell you what I think.

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UPDATE Filorga Paris NCTF-Intensifs Anti Aging Skin Care

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PRODUCT UPDATE!!

I don’t have any before and after pics to share after using Filorga Paris NCTF-Intensifs Anti Aging Skin Care so you’ll have to take my word for it.  I can honestly say that having used only the NCTF-Intensive for the last 2 weeks has actually left my skin feeling more taught, firm, and with better elasticity with fewer fines lines. I received the trio samples today and look forward to using all three in conjunction with the recommendations made by the technicians that first shared and showed us the product those weeks ago. In the meantime I’ve reposted the details below for you to read and learn about what Filorga NCTF is all about. I’ll update as the weeks progress with how my skin feels and looks. 

For those wishing to give it a try or switch your routine and product regimen, the Filorga Paris NCTF-Intensifs Anti Aging Skin Care will be available February 14/2018 at Shoppers Drug Mart, and Nordstroms.UPDATE_Filorga_Paris_NCTF-Intensifs_Anti_Aging_Skin_Care_trio

REPOST:

My recent attendance of the informational evening on the soon to be made available product from Filorga Paris. The introduction of their NCTF Reverse Range which contains more than ten times the concentration of Filorga’s patented NCTF than the other skincare products within Filorga. It’s designed to be the consumer version of their medical product, the concentrated skincare range that contains the same revitalizing formulation found in their professional injectable treatments. Most notably we were shown the NCTF-Essence, NCTF-Intensive, and the NCTF-Reverse. Used on the skin in that order twice daily, morning and night.

The ideology behind the introduction of this line is to bring the medical service of injections home to the consumer in a topical form, and in particular for those not quite sure they are ready for a trip to the surgeon’s office for injections to invigorate and revitalize aging, tired skin.

As a user of home based skin care products, I was eager to hear and see what this product was all about. That’s not to say I haven’t had my fair share of doctor assisted treatments, but I do try and maintain what can at home in between those expensive sessions. For me prevention goes a long way and I’ll do anything I can, within reason, to keep my skin looking youthful, vital, and alive.

Filorga Paris NCTF-Intensifs Anti Aging Skin Care 7We started off by meeting the informative and wonderful people from Filorga who helped develop the product and bring it the consumer. The presentations were clear and well presented and introduced us to the microsphere technology they were using in their product to do the work it does. I asked what I had to ask and my questions were answered with very informative statements, but, we know that actions speak louder than words and I for one was eager to see what the product looked like, and felt like going on the skin.

The NCTF-Essence is geared as primer for the skin to allow for maximum absorption when the next product is applied. It absorbs quite readily and has a scent like a fragrant tea. I rather enjoyed it.

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The next application came from the NCTF-Intensive, a combination of serum and lotion type of liquid that doesn’t run or drip, is scent free, and absorbs right away.

The last application was in the form of the NCTF-Reverse which is considered the daily moisturizer that is active all day. This is the one that is nourishing with nutritious fatty acids and Vitamin E, ideal for dry skin. It delivers on wrinkle treatment with retinol to stimulate collagen and elastin and contains Hyaluronic acid to plump the skin. It provides treatment to the firmness of the skin by stimulating collagen production. Provides radiance with natural Vitamin C which prevents the synthesis of melanin. It has vitamin A & H to stimulate cell renewal and Vitamin E for fight against free radicals.

I’ll start by saying that it was nice to see only 3 products in this application process, because I’ve seen many many more steps to be taken just get the damn cream on! If your a busy person, you know that those extra few minutes make all the difference, and when your layering product after product, it makes a person wonder. I have to say that these three absorbed quickly and didn’t leave my skin feeling greasy, shiny, or as though I wanted to wash it off right away. My skin was breathing!

These products will be making their way to the consumer on February 14th at Nordstrom’s and at Shoppers Drug Mart. I’ll be making sure to give it all a thorough examination when it arrives. They also boast visible results in 7 days, who knows, maybe I’ll be switching products!

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Luscious Legwear, That’s What Sexy This Week

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Luscious legwear in the form of stockings, stay-ups, or pantyhose. Legwear that comes in a multitude of colours, patterns, deniers, and sizes to adorn the appendages of women, and the men that dare. The final accessory to an outfit, to enhance, accentuate, cover and adorn, luscious legwear, that’s what sexy this week.

Leggings and legwear have been worn for ages, by the late great kings and queens, to the courtesans of Europe, the Giesha of Japan, and the stylish of today. Originally made of linen, cotton, wool or silk, they were worn for warmth, but as hemlines rose and legs were exposed, so to did demand. It wasn’t until 1939 when DuPont introduced nylon, an affordable, durable, sheer alternative was born. It wasn’t until 1959 that the pantyhose made their debut and rivalled that of stockings, soon to surpass sales as the new alternative.

Rising even higher hemlines made sure pantyhose stayed on top of sales causing a sharp decline in the sales of stockings, where it has remained to this day, sales only rivalled by the advent of stay-ups.

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Filorga Paris NCTF-Intensifs Anti Aging Skin Care

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I’m going to start this review off with a little bit off a RANT!

As Canadian who resides in Canada, North America, I question why products are released after they have already been made available to the masses in other countries? Most notably Europe, then Asia, Australia, and then to us lowly miscreants here in North America. It frustrates me to no end, as if we in this part of the world don’t want the new and improved, or just the plain new! It would be nice to see that change, even if just a little.

(adjusts my collar, breathes deep and sighs)

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Soft Silky Bed-Sheets for Sexy This week

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Soft silky bed sheets draped across a bed, and wrapped around a mattress. Fabrics that come in a multitude of colours and patterns, fibres and thread counts. Sheets to enmesh a nude body for a bit of cooling on a sensuous summer’s eve or warmth for a cold winter’s night. Alone or accompanied, sheets that comfort and soothe a weary body, a tired mind, or a napping babe. Bed sheets that cocoon and protect for watching a good movie or curl up in with a good book. Soft silky bed sheets, that’s what’s sexy this week.

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