Here you have it folks, breast forms gone bad!

First you’ll be drawn to the lovely, what appears to be a shoe box, these glowing orbs are neatly tucked away in, so slick and colourful it must have taken the manufacturer’s design team forever to come up with packaging so unique.

Secondly, once the box is open you WILL be struck by these “glowing” orbs! I mean they fucking glow! Tell me you’ve seen real breasts that look anything like this colour, and I’ll be the first one questioning where, and who you saw them on, and it better have been in a lab or quarantined section of area 51. What happened to quality control on colour, or were they all out at the water fountain drinking vodka?

Thirdly you’ll notice these are definitely soft to the touch, and most certainly boob like, however it’s the crepe paper covering that gets me, so crunchy, so papery, so, ok I am at a loss for words on that last descriptive. They are CRUNCHY, just imagine you are crumpling up the wrapper from a Crunchie bar, yes I went there with that analogy, but….IT”S TRUE! Crunchy soft boobs!

They are fun to play with based on that and definitely would make great stress balls, but beyond that I am not so sure, with to much aggressive squeezing and crunching the interior substance tends to come away from the outer seal leaving massive air bubbles. But where does the air come from if it’s completely sealed you ask? From the tears on the sides of these things, they rip like the hot cheques from an over active forger, rip, rip, rip. Can you imagine captain cross-dresser out for a night on the town having everyone groping up a storm? Now that’s a hot mess.

And at $80 a pair, what a steal of a deal, worth copping a feel. Ok that was cheesy, but hell these are just bad! I think my best memory of ones like these was a friend’s cat all freaked out and puffed beyond original size, hissing and pouncing with full claws and force on the pair that had fallen to the floor. We just couldn’t take them away from Oomie now could we? These are the best toys for your pussy!

What will they think of next? Oh wait, I’ll show you more of that from the shit box of crap!

LMAO!