Tidbits: Coitus Automobilus

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The sex appeal of the automobile has been known for a long time, especially by men. Automobiles designed by men, built for men, driven mostly by men, men. Women weren’t really in the equation except when the car was referred to as a “family car”, the vehicle of choice for growing families, which we know is and was serious advertising bullshit. It wasn’t until the Ford Motor Company finally clued in with the introduction of their pony car, the Mustang, introduced in 1964 as a car for women and heavily marketed with slick and sexy advertising campaigns. A car that boasted simplicity, yet stylish, subtly powerful, and adored by 1964 mustangmany, women that is in the start.

Car appeal has always had people of all sexes in it’s grip. From the moment we first sit in a car we are groomed for the day of privilege we somehow believe we are entitled to, the day we get our driver’s license. That day when we can hop behind the wheel of an automobile and drive our family, friends, selves, and lovers to destinations of our choosing.

I’ll admit I love cars, I love their sleek sexy shapes, the power, the speed, the colours, all of the above. I LOVE THEM! Have a look at my Pinterest board for just a few of my faves.

Although not that great for the environment, and let’s keep in mind that each and every car produced produces more exhaust in the manufacturing process, not the emissions they give off.
It’s nice to see the electric car making a serious comeback, because we know it isn’t a new idea, a great idea killed off Tesla-Model-Sby the gas guzzling juggernauts produced by the major players of the industry.

Ok, so that was a side trip, as I am prone to take folks, but now let’s get back to the sex appeal that these sleek machines I love so much evoke. No I am not talking about the multitude of four wheeled jelly beans out there but rather the sleekly designed beasts with shapes so curvy you’ll want to run your finger tips along it’s lines, touch the glass, look into the interior, inhale deeply and lick it!

There isn’t much to think about when it comes to all the advertising in all the muscle car magazines, and the European sports car features. Hot sexy women are usually draped across the hood, leaning beside a door, or bent over in a seriously seductive manner that elicits a come take me now reaction as though she is letting you know she ready for her own lube job and oil change.

Coitus Automobilus 4Remove the human element of the advertising and what are you left with? A machine that should be able to stand on its own for those million dollar sales! Granted the 70’s left many of us scratching our heads wondering what the fuck was doing when during that time period they designed and rolled out those ugly assed monstrosities that were basically oversized boxes on wheels. Thankfully the designers are getting back to the smooth sexy lines of yesteryear! Cars with sleek shapes and sexy smooth lines paying serious attention to detail.

From the outside in, car enthusiasts are looking at black tires and complimentary rims, that are mostly aftermarket to match the personality behind the steering wheel. Low fat tires, or thin full rubber like those on the newest sexy small cars. White walled or not, polished black, wrapped around rims that glisten and gleam from great distances. Wheels that support a chassis enveloped in molten paint jobs of candy apple red, midnight black, pearlescent white, or any lush colour of your choice. Detailing and chrome sweeping over bodies with as many curves as Marilyn Monroe, wanting you to touch and caress! Lush interiors with seats that wrap around bodies for comfort and security made of leather, fabric, or the latest and greatest vinyl. Vinyl in a multitude of colours, with that familiar scent of delightfully old or strikingly new, smells we all know and love!Coitus Automobilus 1

With visions like these its hard not to want get out and wash and polish your machine into full glory. Washing it in hot shorts, see through tops, or topless, getting all soapy and wet rubbing yourself against hard steel. Yes these are my visions, but I know many of you have them to and for those that don’t, your probably one of those that treats the clean-up ritual as though it were a science experiment.

Cars are a second home for many on the planet, a symbol of status achieved, so it’s only fitting that folks are eager to go on long road trips. It’s also fitting that many are going on those short road trips, road trips to a secluded hot spot for a little “coitus automobilus,” some back seat humping to fog up those windows on a cool winter’s day.

Lovers lane, make-out point, the parking lot, covered garage, underground parking, drive in theatre (if your old enough to remember), late nights in the park. You get my drift, wherever you can park, you can “park” and get that vehicle rocking. Do it across the hood, the trunk, on the roof, or with the convertible top down. Whatever you get up to, you can bet that what you think is the next latest and greatest movie, is for the most part still a little to hot to make the pages of the auto trader or your favourite magazine.coitus automobilus 5