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Fleshlight’s Freak Series and Zombie Dildo’s Just in Time For Hallowe’en and Beyond

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Since Halloween is just around the corner, my favourite time of the year, I thought it would be the ideal post to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve in sexy wacky style. Let me remind you that Wacky Wednesday was created to showcase all things wacky in the world of sex toys, and we know there is a lot. However Wacky Wednesday has also grown to include the “wild and wondrous” of the internet, showcasing creations I find in my travels in cyber land, in case you were wondering.

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As a sex toy reviewer, why not? After all it is halloween and people don’t stop fucking just cause they are handing out candy do they? I only hope they are not doing both at the same time!

Anyway………

A few years back the creators at Fleshlight came up with the idea of making “Zombie Dildos”. I loved the idea, hell they even had a series, but it seems for some unknown reason the deadly delight no longer exists as a product. I did however find a great review, in vivid detail of the rotting stiff you’ll be sure to enjoy over at  Kinky Kitten. Hopefully if enough readers write and ask, one can hope that Fleshlght will resurrect the undead dick, and find it back on store shelves soon!wacky-wednesday-Fleshlight-Freaks-dildos

However, Fleshlight is not one to disappoint, they also have in their product list, the super cool Freaks collection of masturbators for the deviant at heart. Made of their high-quality mineral oil and rubber polymers, protected by a series of U.S. patents the Freaks boast 5 ghoulish colours. As a side note, the Fleshlight material also does not contain phthalates. Phthalates  are mainly used as plasticizers—substances added to plastics to increase their flexibility, durability, and longevity.

The names say it all; Alien, Cyborg, Drac, Frankenstein, Predator, Reapor, and my faves, Zombie Lady and Zombie Mouth. Just pic your passion, or poison pussy, and get to work tricking and treating with your choice of interior.

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If your worried about discretion, the company offers privacy protection, discrete billing, and discrete shipping right to your front door! Of course this is only the tip of the iceberg as to what else Fleshlight offers. You only have to browse the site to see all the goodies.

They also give the 5 top reasons to buy a Flashlight reprinted here for your consideration.

1)You’re in control.

Whenever you want, however you like, the Fleshlight sexual gratification alternative is there to fulfill your sexual fantasies and meet your desires.

2) Nothing is closer to the real thing.

Our soft, pliable, non-vibrating SuperSkin sleeve has been designed to provide the most realistic intercourse simulation known to man.

3) Improve stamina & performance.

Whether you’re a real Casanova or just a rookie to the game, there is always room for improvement. Test your skills, practice new techniques, and test how long you can last in one of our specially designed inserts, created for maximum sensation.

4) Practice safe sex.

The Fleshlight was created, in part, to address the risks associated with promiscuity, the spread of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), and unwanted pregnancy. Whether you’re having trouble finding a safe partner or waiting for the right one to come along, the Fleshlight offers a safe and satisfying means for expressing your sexuality.

5) Lifetime of pleasure.

With proper use and care, the Fleshlight will last you a lifetime. If only it were that easy with real sexual partners.

I’m not so sure about these top 5’s but hey who am I to judge?

Happy Halloween

Wacky Wednesday: Total Satisfaction Another Sextoy Gone bad

Total satisfaction vaginal und anale

Here you have it, another lovely from the garbage bin of old toys gone bad, that somehow find their way mysteriously onto store shelves when responsible, ethical employees have their backs turned!

The “Total Satisfaction” by Mandy Mystery, whoever the fuck she is, a dual stimulator out of Germany. I am assuming from Germany as I read the German which describes it as being able to be used both vaginale und anale for those who love to be stimulated much like you would holding a six pack of beer in the cardboard box.Total satisfaction vaginal und anale2

Speaking of box, the packaging is so faded, dusty and little crunched on the one corner that carries through to back side of the box that reveals an exciting picture, complete with a “magnified” area of her nether regions and a somewhat shitty attempt at German English translation in multiple captions.

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Wacky Wednesday: The Titty Fuck-Her Sextoys Gone Bad

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As much as the packaging of this “lovely” item tries to make it look like a worthwhile product with it’s glossy exterior, and quite frankly, beautiful box, the picture smacks you right in the face.

Pipe dream’s Titty Fuck-Her, the masturbator in the shape of tits and a pussy positioned, smack dab, right between them. Can we say somewhat misogynistic with a dash of objectification?

Made of “fanta-flesh” which is actually TPR (Thermo-Plastic-Rubber): billed as the most lifelike material that mimics the look and feel of real human skin, it warms to the touch during use, is waterproof, light weight, super stretchy and soft.

In the box you get a bottle of “moist” lube, cleaner, a bottle revive to bring back to life the fanta flesh, and a bullet with a remote control.Titty Fuck-Her2

However, I still couldn’t stop laughing at the picture on the box, and couldn’t believe that such a product design actually existed!!! Please don’t tell me a woman came up with this design? So, I let my curiosity get the better of me and had to take a look inside. Curiosity that should’ve killed this cat! LMAO! (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Bonnie Rotton Mega Masturbator

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Misogynistic at it’s best! Feature this lovely one that leaves me wondering who the hell comes up with these designs? Ok I get the idea of masturbators, and the crazy array of designs out there, which for the most part I find seriously fun, and humorous, but like I’ve said before many leave me scratching my head in disbelief trying not to formulate an opinion. This one, I have to say, is seriously fucked! I don’t know how else to describe it.bonnie rotton

Here is how Sexcitable describes this lovely piece of work; (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Kaylani’s Wicked Foot Masturbator With XXX DVD

Kaylani's Wicked Foot Masturbator

Billed as;

Heel, toe, 1-2-3! Kaylani’s Foot Fetish Masturbator is a deliciously kinky toy.

A velveteen pussy in the sole of the petite foot provides an incredibly lifelike sensation, with textured shaft.

Finished with toes with ruby red nails.

Ok WTF!

As a person that revels in the bizarre, there are quite a few things out there I find just stupid and useless, designed, for lack of better terminology, to suck the money out of some of those dumb-assed idiots out there in sex-toy porn land! (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Twerking Butt

Things get wilder and wilder, and somewhat objectified, but hey, I get it in the world of adult novelties because pretty much anything can be used as a “hole” so why not brand it, and sell it?

Well here you have it, the Twerking Butt from Porn Hubb. It twerks, it warms, it massages, it vibrates, and it activates. It has a multitude of vibration patterns, feels “real,” it’s even programmable with your favourite tablet or mobile phone, and even has 3D glasses for viewing of pre programmed movies for an even more real experience. Be sure to skip on over to the website for a more in-depth look, you’ll be sure to be amazed!

Be forewarned, the manufacturers have recently come out with a warning that it does overheat, and unlike a blowdryer that stays shut off for a period of time while it cools down, the Twerking Butt, is recommended that you turn it off to cool for a period of time. However you can turn it right back on again, because the kill switch, well, THERE IS NO KILL SWITCH! (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Orgasmatron 3000

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Ok I just love the name of this product, sounds like something out one of my favourite films, Barbarella where she has crashed landed on the 16th planet of Tau Ceti.ww top orgasmatron 3000

Not an actual product, but a design that was requested or rather an invitation for a design exhibition submitted by Dominic Wilcox I give you the Orgasmatron 3000.

“This Leather clad washing machine and saddle aims to bring the fun back to housework.

Instructions: After turning the dial to the required setting, press the ‘on’ button and climb into the saddle with your legs at the front of the machine.” (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Squildo

Squildo

Well folks, here you have it the SQUILDO! For hard core fans of Tentacle Erotica, as described by Wikipedia;

“A type of pornography most commonly found in Japan which integrates traditional pornography with elements of bestiality and a fantasy, horror, or science-fiction theme. Tentacle rape or shokushu goukan (触手強姦?) is found in some horror or hentai titles, with tentacled creatures (usually fictional monsters) having sexual intercourse with predominantly female characters. Tentacle erotica can be consensual, but frequently contains elements of rape. (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: Alien Egg Laying Sex Dildo

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Yes for many of us we have a fixation on aliens and all things other worldly from outer space. We have art, movies, stories fact or fiction, themes, and industrial design out the yin-yang, so it goes without saying that it was just a matter of time that the fixation on things sexual with aliens would rear it’s colourful head.

Depictions in art, in all forms and mediums, furniture, costume, and hot hot erotica. Well now you have it in the form of an egg laying dildo. I am not sure where this lovely one comes from but I have a funny feeling it comes from my favourite freaky assed designers at Bad Dragon, where you’ll find just about anything that tickles your fancy, both inside and out, up and down, and round about. (more…)

Wacky Wednesday: 7 Completely Insane Sex Toy Designs

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Like the rest of the world things just keep on getting more and more bizarre in the world of sextoys. I am not sure if it is boredom or just truly the thrill seekers wanting newer and “better” items to stick in their orifices, or put their dicks into. I do see a lot of wacky things, and well, have done a lot of wacky things. I am not here to judge, if I did, I wouldn’t be doing some of the things I do in my life, such as advocacy and activism.

However the folks at www.cracked.com have come up with a humorous article detailing a few items up for grabs through some of the site I myself shop at.

Have a look, and you be the judges, I’ve even linked the photos to the home site for my dirty fun pictures of these lovelies! You just may find yourself stumped, and as I like to say when lecturing,

Listen, learn, and maybe laugh a little. I do!

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